Suicide 101

Life getting you down? Feel like you live in a cave and are an outcast from the world above? Ready to kill off that pathetic thing you call existence? HA! What you should realize my children is that you will fail. Like you have failed at life. Your body has an amazing ability to survive, to keep itself alive no matter what. Even a in a pitiful existence such as yours, instinct will keep your wretched self alive as long as possible. Don't bother, please, you'll just end up hurting your life even more.

Wrist Slitting: This is a very common and very foolish suicidal technique. Hardly ever results in anything other than a scar and even more alienation. You need to cut very deep, it will take much more then one swish of the blade. It's also obvious to most sane people that metal with blood on it is rather slippery. Also, there is a thing called Blood Clotting, for when you pass out. The body will do anything to thwart your attempt into sweet oblivion.

Hanging: This surprises me the most on those who commit suicide. You think picking something as extreme as death, they'd read up a little on it. First, you must realize for this to work well, you must break your neck. Most of the time suicide by hanging is very painful, because you are suffocating while having you full body weight on that precious neck of yours. People long ago worked hard for a public hanging. To break ones neck, the rope couldn't be too short or too long with adding in the body weight. Today kids take a rope, jump in, and spend half an hour ot more struggling and kicking in a rather painful death. Some are saved and live a happy life of mental retardation.

Jumping Off Things: Buildings are the most popular form of death jumping. People have to realize they that the pesky brain will do all things possible to survive. Unwilling, while you fall to your death, your body will turn and you'll put your hands around your head to protect yourself. For those that do die, it's not always instant. You must spend hours in a hellish ball of pain before death claims you. Most of the time people hardly pick a spot high enough, and they end up crippled. *Muwhaha* From bad to worse, you thought you were pathetic before.. wait until you have to use a bed pan. People in wheelchairs also have a hard time finding ways to kill themselves, so be prepared for a long, tortuous life.

Pills?: HA! Sleeping pills will more likely leave you retarded then dead. You'll fall asleep before you get enough in you to finish the job. Even the mega doses of death-pills will not work %100. Remember, because they are strong, they will work quickly after inhaling them. Also, once again, the body will try to save your wretched life, and you'll likely vomit most of it up. You will probably wake up the next day, with crap in your pants and drool on your chin.